My brain went into overdrive thinking of Chris Turney's Spirit of Mawson, CliTantic Disaster as some kind of pantomine, so rather than block up other threads with my brains ravings I'll stick them here .,so they won't bother anyone.

Any resemblance to real events or people ..
living or dead is purely coincidental

TITLES
: JACK-IN-THE-GREEN-TALK on Ice starring Chris Turkey
Extended run at the Antarctic Theatre

possible alternative titles
- Snow, snow, White & the 74 Climate Dorks
- Ali Baba and his Faulty Deceives
- Little Red Lying Hoods
- Robin Hunt and his Merry Climate Men

Titles too obvious
Pinocchio
The Emperor's New Clothes
Robinson Crusoes shipwreck
Bad-Sins
Sidbad The Climate Failure
Treasureless Island
Chris Turney as The Wizard of Oz
Chris Turney as Dick Twittington (spelling Dick with a P?)

new titles .. add "on ice" to all
The Lying King
Scrood.. on Ice

Remember as with all pantos Chris's Climate story is based on fairy stories

SONGS
features the hit songs
- Happy to be Stuck With You - BBC/ABC & the Doctored News
- Don't Look Back in Anger, "Increasing ice" ..I didn't hear you say ?
classic Antarctic Monkees song - I'm a Deceiver
- The Proclaimers - I could walk 500 Miles .. across the ice
Fake It - by Michael Jackson

more songs
Hit Me With Your Hockey Stick - Chris Turney and The Blocked Heads
Freaking & A Rigging presention - The Taking the Piss-Stolls
Is This The House Jack Built - Grandma Funk

- Happy to be Stuck With You - BBC/ABC & the Doctored News
ABC reporters aboard ?
BBC/ABC feature as the Ugly Sisters Ugly Aunts, can't fit shoe of truth.

MUSIC
classic Antarctic Monkees song - I'm a Deceiver

verse 1
I thoughts GRANTS were only in fairy tales,
then for someome else not for me
.. Then I saw Hansen get one for telling tree ring fairytales
... and I thought hey wow !
now I'm a believer !
Then I made some hype and I got a grant
wow I'm out of my mind
.. yes I'm a deceiver
.. frightening you and your kind

verse 2
I thought TRUTH was not a given thing it's for someone else not for me
.......
... Now I'm a deceiver

verse 3
I thought disappearing ice is a given thing
believed by everyone else
cos it's promoted by me
Then I saw the ICE
and I thought this cannot be
.. it was out to get me
..encircle & surround me, so I can't get free.
but tell the world ?.. no I'm a deceiver

verse 4
I say INCREASING ICE is not a real thing
measured by someone else,
..and not by me
I'll lie and say I cannot see
cos I'm a deceiver
..and I cannot leave ya ... with the truth that will set you free.

(segway into Andrew Montford Antony Watts sampling Public Enemy - Don't Believe the Hype)
.. say Watt's Up Bish ?
.. Whats the SEA WATER TEMPERATURE ?
.. (Antarctic Monkees interrupt .. sampling Yazz)
..The only way is UP, for you and me babe !
(back to Bish)

.. shut up
.. flat, hiatus ..20 years you can see

..Lying Mass Media we don't need it do ya ?
ABC, BBC where are you when difficult quesions need askin ?
(segway into TV Drug of The Nation)
breeding Ignorance and fears about Radiation

(segway into Hit Me With Your Hockey Stick - Chris Turney and The Blocked Heads)
Hit me with you hockey stick it's nice to be a green lunatic
.. hit me
.. hit me

Joke
I say, I say, I say
...this hockey stick you sold me has gone bent.
How's that ?
Well it did seem straight, but for the last 20 years it's gone flat at the top.
- That's not like ypu to complain about it being too kinky !
..boom, boom

segway into Freaking & A Rigging (presention) - by The DramaGreens Taking the Piss-Stolls
Ahoy shipmates
- The captain of this disaster, by God he was a master at PR & fiddling stats ...
- The BBC man was Luck Baker completely in with every faker, hype hype until they were in the dirt ..now he won't speak to any taker (hiding underground just like a big potata)
- The Guardian's Man was Jha, thinks he's a star
A playboy ladies man, with a plan to ban you fron your car
Freakin, and a rigging
Freakin, and a rigging

Ends
Can you trust a Green ?
Can you trust a Green ?

Song epilogue
Fight the power
fight the power

SPONSORED BY
EU Arts Council
EU we sponsor you to lobby us
The multi-national Billion Dollar Eco-charities WWF, Greenpeace, Sierra Club, that American legacy Foundation, Oxfam, RSPB
BP
Exxon
Shell
(scares that put up prices is good for profit margins)
... world governments and many other sponsors, costing the planet $1bn each day

NOTES
Panto time ? Such a pity that this years Christmas Pantomime "Cli-Tanic"is being held in such a remote location.. the BBC's guys there with a ring side seat and he's failing to pass the message on.
characters
Jack : the softheaded dreamer
Prince Charmer - the womanising Guardian playboy
The evil media distorting the picture
Fairy Godmother - providing weather forecasts from WUWT
Widow Twanky .. from the Green Party
- Dick Witlesston was about turn home when he heard the message "turn again, turn again", this time in the wrong direction
... and now with song and dance routines

Simple Jack "now kids if you see any of that increasing ice, you shout out"
- kids shout
- Jack turns "no, I don't see it, where is it ?"
"where's my career ?"
Kids "It's behind you !"

..That TV show where Turney mocks deniers "no, matter the evidence the deniers won't believe" Roy and HG show .. the ugly sisters ?

SKITS
Simple Jack : "You know they call me the new David Livingstone"
"Right Idiotman I presume ?"

His book is
- 1912: The Year the World Discovered Antarctica: Chris Turney
To be closely followed by
- 2013 The Year I Discovered The Antarctic has Ice : Chris Turney

Alternative Title
Twin Aunties BBC ABC with Guardian present
a Carry on Up the Antarctic

Antarctic Monkees skit

Monkee 1 - hey kids if you see the Guardian ..shout out and tell us.
Monkee 2 tell us right where it is

Kids - It's behind you !
Monkee 1 turns - where ?
Kids - It's behind you !
Monkee 1 turns - where ?
Kids - It's behind you !
Monkee 2 - where ?
Kids - It's behind you !
Monkee 2 twist and turn dance
Kids - behind you !, behind you !, behind you !
Monkee 1 - strange whatever stange turn we take the Guardian is always right behind us !
roaring laughter

More songs
Tellin A Lie - Ashok
You can see by the way I walk I'm a ladies
come over here chick for chat
you'll see I am cool green cat
Everyone is takin
everyone is fakin
tell a lie, tellin a lie
(lyrics lend selves to saying Ashok's job is to keep lie alive)
And when the lie is weaker my job is to
keep it alive, keep it alive ah ah keep it alive

segways into
ZZ Tops
Give me all you money, all your grants and subsidies
everyone is crazy for a sharp green man

I'm not Sailing - by Rod Stupid - sung by simple Jack
oh Ice
I'm not sailin across the water, across the sea
won't be near you, I won't be free
I am fallin into insanity
(people) We are payin all these taxes for green subsidies

Sex Pistols
GOD SAVE THE GREENS
God Save the Greens
they make a fascist regime
They made you a moron,
potential H-bomb
(segway into Get up standup for your rights - Bob Marley)

.......interesting to see Sex Pistols songs adapt well
and songs work well starting as alarmist to becoming skeptics
Freakin and Rigging data- by the alarmists
becomes
Fracking in the Offing - by the Skeptics
,(end by sampling Beach Boys .. Everyone get fracking .. cheap energy in the USA

REALITY IN THE UK
(starts with the skeptics singing)
hmm I am denialist, I am the anti-christ
I wanna restore power supply
I wanna see REALITY
reality for UK it's coming some day

(greens singing)
don't know what I want
but I know how to get it
I wanna destroy - power supply
I wanna see anarchy
Anarchy in the UK
it has to be Anarchy
To set us free
It has to be bankrupcy
- I am a real denier
I am a true denialist
excuse me while I just get pissed

back to Skeptics
BBC Guardian You're a liar
I wanna restore power supply
move back to true democracy
reality for UK

I wanna restore power supply
I wanna see REALITY
reality for UK it's coming some day
.. it's coming some day.... f-ck you BBC

ABORTION
UK energy policy
..it's an abortion
His name is Swampy
he lives in a tree
him and his ilk messin energy policy
He's the one that's killing us baby
it's an abortion

PRETT VACANT
(Perhaps written around Ashok chatting up a naive you green girl)

SKIT with music sample
Hey skipper what's that out of the pothole ?
more ice, more ICE- ICE BABY
..Ashok fork in hand "more rrice ?" no ! more ice ice baby
..Ashok fork in hand "more fr-ries ?" no ! more ice ice baby

SCAMMIN WITH WIND
and it seems to me you've lived your life scammin with wind
always opening up when a subsidies in,
never knowing who to turn to when the tax breaks end

WELCOME TO THE GREEN DREAM FOR YA
you can come in any time you want
but you can never leave
champagne in the glasses
ship surrouded by ice
we are all prisoners
of our own device

PINK FLoYD sample
.. the world has become comfortably numb against green dogma

combining 2 Crowded House songs
3 MONTHS ON A FREAKIN BOAT
3 months on a freakin boat !
how those damm deniers will gloat
No milkshakes cooking in my kitchen
no sign of blue ski-i-ies
..just more and more ice -i

something what the kids
who's that ? (tune Postman Pat)
Chris the Green Bull Chap & his climate crap
early in the mornin
.. and reality is dawning
the ice lie can't go on
time to stop fake warning
this is getting boring
Green Bull chap it's time you were gone

Pink Floyd on green professional protestors
- welcome, my friend,
welcome to the greens
we know where you're at
we know where you've been
you've been stopping a pipeline,
dissing fracking, smearing GMOs, knocking nuclear, denying vaccines
.. stirring fear, after fear

SKIT
The real reason for the delay, and getting stuck in ice ?
They had to do an emergency stop, due to a constant whining noise from the engine
.. but then the whining noise was still going ob, so they worked out.. the constant whining noise actually comes from the bunch on greens onboard

the real reason why ship got stuck
- I have just received & translated some shipboard communications

Engineroom Oleg - Kapitan we have to the engines, there is a constant whining noise, there is something very wrong.
Kapitan - Da, OK full shut down authorised
Engineroom Oleg - Kapitan .shutting down
Engineroomn Oleg - "pish-di-etz" (what a f-ing f-up) Kapitan that whining noise is still going on
Kapitan - of course .. that constant whining is not the engines it's coming from the Klimateers , there always a constant whining from green activists !

A BBC/ABC/Guardian production
in partnership with Gazprom/Greenpeace

Additional lyrics
HIT ME WITH YOUR HOCKEY STICK by Chris Turney and the Blocked Heads
hit me
It's nice to be a green lunatic
.. Hansen and Mann seen on Twitter
2 green loonies click click